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 Both my parents died this past year three months apart. Mom died September 21, 2014 and Dad December 25, 2014. They’ve been divorced for years and remarried. Dealing with this loss I find myself wondering exactly what the legacy was that they left me. Absent father, cold distant mother, I find it difficult at times to put into feelings this grief of mine.

I can’t answer for anyone else in my family, we all experienced our lives within the family unit differently. I can’t remember my natural father ever being in the home. My Mom remarried when I was about eight or nine years old. I left home at the age of 18. I myself have been married three times. Divorced twice and widowed once.

I have definitely had my fill of heartbreak and heartache. Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Wrong relationships, wrong thinking wrong choices, so many things were wrong. I had such difficulty at times making a decision about important things. Then unimportant things.  I remember thinking to myself, ‘Geez Mary just make a decision and stick with it, good or bad’. So much confusion set in. I had no parents to guide me, the people around me were not what you would call wholesome and healthy. I was very naive and I had two young children to take care of.

I made a LOT of bad choices. But what did I do? I hoped and prayed that the choices I  made were good ones, if not I hoped the consequences were ones I could live with at the present time and in the future.

I can tell you now that some of the consequences I have lived with are hard to deal with at times. My family had no idea what I had to do to survive, how we lived, or where we lived. Or the shame and loneliness. Alone in everything I did, every aspect of my life.

The dysfunction in my life was beginning to take its toll. By the time I was a widow at the age of 30 I was exhausted from being surrounded by the constant downward spiral of my life. I kept thinking, ‘Why me God, I was a good kid, I didn’t hurt anyone why am I getting hurt all the time?

‘ I made a conscious effort to try to change my life, it was difficult. The past always wants to suck me back into its dark abyss. I thought of my children, what was I teaching them,  in what ways would they remember me? Then it was all taken from my hands, not in my control anymore. I had a major life changing event happen to me my by a family member. I couldn’t stay around here any longer. I had to go, leave New York and head south to Florida. I moved my 18 year old son in with his father (he had an upstairs apartment). I took my youngest and moved.

I was trying to change inherent events. I refused to think that my children, the loves of my life were going to be cursed like I was. I wanted better for them, much better. The transition was extremely hard, I know my children didn’t understand why I had to do what I did. I often think of my own Mom when she remarried and we moved out from New York City to the suburbs of Long Island. Different motives, much different lives. What was I leaving my children? I had no money just a house. When I owned a house in Florida I wanted to leave it to my children, they refused, ” we don’t want anything Mom”. I became a nurse, bettering myself hoping my family would be proud of me. I know I was proud of me. It helped me mature in intellect and compassion. I am alive today because I changed. I know without  having prayed I might have become a hard bitter woman.

I know that God places us in situations, good, bad or indifferent because its His choice for us not our choice, The way we come through all the situations we go through is what matters. People see what  we’ve become and how we got there.

I know that when God put me in duress in Florida my life changed again dramatically. My legacy changed with it. We think we just live our lives la te da but there is a plan. Gods legacy.

[I went from all that struggle my entire life to a much more peaceful easy  fulfilled life. I really like myself much more now. The legacy I leave will be one of forgiveness, peace, and freedom from the bondage of the past. 


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Today after listening to my favorite  television Bible teachers  this question came into my mind, “How many times do you have to lose everything before you figure it all out? Just what is it going to take? How high is your tolerance for pain, your blindness, your denial or your stubbornness?

I know in the past mine was pretty high, actually it was extremely high. I could handle anything. I could take care of it myself. I have a plan for my life. I can see clearly my goals and aspirations. I am independent and I don’t need anyone to help me. I can do it myself.

Get my point yet? I was cruising along struggling to get by, taking care of my house, yard, truck, health, faith, and it took awhile.  I thought I had it all figured out, independent and determined to succeed. “I” had no idea that “I” was not in control of my destiny.

It was all “I”, “I”, “I”, see where this is going? Like Humpty Dumpty “I” was getting ready for a great fall.

 In retrospect there was no way of knowing that God was going to intercede in my life in a grand way. Having mentioned this in previous blogs, about my losing everything, house, independence, my goals and aspirations and basically whom “I” was at the time, I am now a new person. Actually I lose myself everyday. Then with the new day I become a new person, and that happens everyday.

I often give things away that were given to me to pass on to others. I have seen God work through me and in the other people that are now part of my life.  Always being a giving person offering to help others I found that to be my ministry of sorts.

Actually I’m not even positive it’s a ministry for me. It just really happened, it became something I do often. God made me good at scrounging around for myself since money and food were in short supply. So I became better at what I was always good at.When I think of all “I” have been through and the exciting paths that are before me now, I have anticipation for the new adventures.

Starting over for me before I found Christ was always something difficult, a chore, looking for food, shelter, jobs and new friends. Now since I don’t have to worry about that at all, it has increased my blessings. Increased them so much that I have an over abundance to share with others. Before it was about me, myself and I. How was I going to make it? Can I get a job? What about a place to live? And food? Sure, I still get desires for worldly goods. Recently I was beginning to be concerned about getting new pants for work. I had to stop myself from thinking over and over how was I going to get them. New clothes are not in my budget at all I remember saying to myself, “o.k, enough of that, God will take care of me, God IS taking care of me, it’ll be alright”. That same day, a woman friend I volunteer with at the Monday Soup Kitchen came to me with a clothes hanger covered in dry cleaner plastic and said to me, “Mary these are three brand new pairs of pants do you want them? Wow, blew me away. God that was quick. Isn’t He awesome?

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great place to live, a full refrigerator and freezer. BUT GOD did that for me. I don’t struggle now like I did before I found Jesus. I used to really worry about how I was going to make it. I lost everything in my life a few times and had to start over. When I look back at my life I can see that I did make it after all. He found me. He saved me. It’s probably hard for the non believer to accept but once they do, it’s an awesome experience. I am free.

Now that Jesus is in control and taking care of me, there’s nothing for me to worry about. Because if I make it all about Him there’s nothing ever to worry about.

Thank you Jesus for finding me a lost sheep. thank you Jesus for forgiving me. Thank you Jesus for dying on the Cross and taking on the sins of the world.


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It’s not my job, I didn’t do it! So what!  When speaking with some people regarding litter/trash along the roads that’s some of the words I have heard, among others. Attitudes regarding polluting God’s Earth, the beautiful home he gave us to live on, planet Earth. How dare we desecrate it.

The beauty of the land, waters and sky is just too much to all take in and describe with the reverence it deserves. We are so fortunate and so often it’s taken for granted.

I walk my dog every day along the road and then I go under the high tension wires near my house. Walking under the wires there’s an open grassy area that keeps my dog and I safe from the road traffic. There are also scrub trees and overgrown bushes and weeds along the sides of the utility property. It is fenced and does have plenty of poison ivy growing under the overgrown bushes. It’s not a bad place. I’ve seen stray cats, squirrels, field mice and rabbits. It’s sort of a little sanctuary for the animals. Occasionally the utility company comes and mows the tall grass and clears the weeds and vines from the mini power station. My dog and I love it, except when the local neighbors dump their yard trash there.

It’s bad enough that the roads are littered. People throwing garbage out the car windows because they don’t want to mess up their car, overturned garbage cans not completely cleaned up,  and pedestrians throwing their trash on the ground because they don’t want to carry it to a garbage can. So I have decided to be bold, to take the initiative to show that one person can make a difference.

I’m taking back my neighborhood. I’m making sure the entrances to the power line areas stay closed to the public (as much as I can), and I’m bending down and picking up the trash. I carry an extra plastic bag with me so I can do that. I do it in front of drivers, pedestrians and neighbors. I don’t care how I look doing that or who I do it in front of.

Hopefully the neighbors will get on board and be bold and not let anyone dirty their community. After all we live here, we need to protect our neighborhood, we need to look out for each other and our environment. Just because a lot of people here recycle, it’s not enough.

Be bold people! Bend down pick it up, speak up, take notice,take action, make your space and your neighborhood a pleasant place to be in.You too can make a difference.

By Merrian Webster definition;


noun \ˈgär-bij\

: things that are no longer useful or wanted and that have been thrown out

: a container where people put things that are being thrown out

: something that is worthless, unimportant, or of poor quality

According to Wikipedia:

Litter: consists of waste products that have been disposed improperly, without consent, at an inappropriate location:Trash may refer to: In garbage: Municipal solid waste, unwanted or undesired waste material; Litter

Trash may refer to: In garbage: Municipal solid waste, unwanted or undesired waste material; Litter

I think if I’m able to  I’ll use my old flower and vegetable seeds and sow them into the bush area and along side of the roads next spring so the animals, and maybe some people too, can appreciate the flowers and vegetables that just might happen to “show up” there.



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It’s not easy walking a narrow path. Trying to live like Jesus wants us to live. Trusting Him completely in a distrusting world. Satan always prowling around (1 Peter 5:7-8). Sometimes it’s difficult to make the right decisions about even just the simplest things. It seems like they escalate into something with a life of it’s own.

An avalanche going downhill, a rockslide, a waterfall. Turning into something else entirely when it gets to the bottom. If you look at it negatively, you might think, “wow, a huge powerful mess just wound up here”. Look at it positively and think, ” will you look at how awesome that is, see the new creation, see the might and strength of what that has become.”  

The avalanche has taken the weight off the mountain and moved earth and debris to the base creating new environment for plants and animals.

The rockslide creates new terrain also taking the mountains weight.

The waterfall as powerful as it is moves the earth and whats in the waters path to the bottom, a pool of churning water making its way yet again along and through the earth.

Powerful, dangerous, sometimes deadly events that through unplanned circumstances are transformed into something good or better than before.

The rocks or snow were dangling and really had no use the way they were,  it’s like the earth was shedding them. Shaking them off.

The waterfall couldn’t just end there at the bottom of the pool, it overflowed and spilled out to start again and start anew.

Being Christian is a lot like that. You die to self. When you surrender your life to Jesus, He takes the old and begins to make it new. When you commit yourself to living Christlike many obstacles can come against you. The pressure is on, things begin to happen. New level new devil. The commitment becomes more challenging. Time changes, conversation, habits, and normal routines morph ever so slightly. Friendships move on and slowly new ones are made. A reshaping, a new you. Sometimes you feel oppressed, or depressed but don’t give into it.

Trust God always. Pray to stay on the narrow path because it’s all worth it in the end. Become a new creation, go through the narrow gate ( Matthew 7:14).

ImageLately I’ve been wondering about a lot of things. I guess that I’ve been getting hungry again.

Three years ago I was saved. I lived in Florida at the time and had many Christian friends and contacts.

Moving to New York I needed to begin again. I found a great church right away, praise the Lord.

Then after awhile I felt a gnawing, a space, a void. I used to be so involved in bible studies, church and various types of worship, fellowshipping, and being a part of several different  things. I found different places to go and discovered  more about myself and my relationship with God.

Now  I don’t have all that contact and I’m more of a lone explorer, except for the occasional blessing of finding a few other ” explorers” like myself, I am wandering again.

Looking for my Jesus fix. That’s also what Joyce Meyer calls it. Being addicted to Jesus. I just have to have what He has. I keep looking for my teacher. I keep listening for the still small voice. I feel the need.

So I begin searching for my teacher. Asking others about more.

More praise and worship, inspirational preaching, restorative instruction, deeper and deeper I feel the need to go.

I’ve been to two new churches. Awesome places of worship. Full Gospel Christian Center in Port Jefferson Station, NY and The Refuge Church in Northport, NY are wonderful examples of feeding my need.

Full Gospel Christian Center is charismatic, has altar calls, flag and dance ministries, friendly parishioners, terrific praise and worship ministry, and the pastors are so anointed. When I was there many people went up for the altar call and where anointed  with oil and prayed prayed over by the pastors. Talk about a Holy Spirit movement. It was so amazing, two and a half hours long. Wow. I felt great after that.

The same people that told me of that church asked me if I wanted to go to a healing service. We did that a couple of weeks later.

We went to The Refuge Church in Northport. Friday and Saturday night and Sunday service. The praise and worship music was wonderful here also. Everything here was great. The pastor had such a great connection with his congregation.

What I found inspiring was the amount of young people so devoted to Jesus. There were more young than old. Hallelujah. There also was flag and dance ministries.  

They had special guests,there were two healers there from Bethel Church in Redding, California. The miracles that took place that weekend were simply fantastic. One young woman had her Scoliosis healed and grew an inch. I myself had my back and my right knee prayed  over. I actually felt and had visualized my one disc being pulled and moved. It took a few days before I realized the knot behind my right knee was gone. I can say that I partial healing but I will TESTIFY to what happened to me while I was there. A man had a rash on his leg that completely disappeared. There were others also.

My advice is for you to go yourself to a healing service. Bring your Faith and Belief.

As for me, I’m looking for more, so if you happen to see me when I’m questing let me tell you about about my adventures with Jesus.



PS: See links section for website addresses.

Pastor  Estell is preaching again at Daily Transformation Ministries. I love that church. Pastor Freddy and the parishioners are so friendly and giving. It’s a comfortable place also. Make sure  to get there a little earlier to get the seats of your choice. 

Great  praise and worship music, comfortable atmosphere, awesome preaching, easy to get to, great location, friendly and inspirational. What more can I say?  You’ll just have to go there to see for yourselves.


Daily Transformation Ministries

7425 Orchid Lake Rd.

New Port Richey, Florida,


When: June 30, 2013  at 10 a.m.

Save the Date and yourselves. Praise the Lord.


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Lately while doing my daily reading of the Word, listening to TV pastors, and also my inner spirit I have been hearing a repetition of encouragements and affirmations.I have been hearing messages of prosperity, wealth, health, restoration and renewal. some examples: Esther 8:2, Genesis 41:41-43,  Dan 2:48, Eccel 2:26, Jeremiah 29:11 (my favorite), Ezekiel 16:53. There are so many Scriptures to back up the blessings offered. I want to be restored, renewed, enjoy increase in my life. I refuse negativity, I embrace the good.

 I  live in a world where being accepted by others is what I once thought  I wanted to be. I thought being and doing what my friends did   was normal. I thought everyone around me was normal. I thought I was not normal so I tried to be “normal” like them . I was in bondage to many things. That’s the right word too, BONDAGE. Thinking I was a free independent person when I was not. Being a slave to money, accepting unacceptable behavior, being a workaholic so that I could attain a certain status or station in my life, being prideful and trying to get by like everyone else was. Doing things I never ever thought I would do. Little by little I was degrading myself, being cut off from what was good and clean and wholesome. I was a wreck, losing my self esteem and self respect. Chipped away little by little. Heavy shoulders, big burdens, ignorant of many things. For all my accomplishments I also kept getting knocked back on my rear. Over and over not knowing why.

I kept thinking God, I’m a good person, why God? Why is this happening? What is it that I’m doing wrong? One thing I did learn through all my trials and tribulations is that God does hear me. I just needed to recognize the answer when it  is presented to me.I had to have my eyes,ears and heart wide open. I had to RECEIVE the answer. It’s like an ah-ha moment. Okay I get it now. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. He’s my father, my Abba, my daddy. Like no father I ever had before. With Him I can do so much more than without Him. 

Thank God that I have been found and saved. Saved from myself, from sin, from Satan. I was a very lost sheep. Faking my way, hoping the next big catastrophic event would not spiral down to the pits of despair, desperation, helplessness and homelessness. I had incredible stress in my life.

It took awhile but  I am so thankful for who, what and where I am in my life. I have had many changes and losses but the  next changes, the good ones, the positive ones, I look forward to.  I have good Christian support systems. I try on a regular basis to do what I’m supposed to do in my  Christian life. Some days are more difficult than others. It’s not easy trying to live as Jesus wants me to live. But through Him all things are possible.

I believe in the messages, the affirmations of wealth, health, prosperity, and restoration. They don’t necessarily mean that I’ll be monetarily rich. I believe they mean that I’ll be a lot better off than I was before, when I was lost.

Blessings, Mary

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 This past weekend in Florida we were visited by Tropical Storm Debby. It was a very slow moving storm. It started out at three miles and hour and worked it’s way up to a whopping five miles an hour when it came upon my county, Pasco County. I live in New Port Richey. To say we were inundated with water was understating it. It was a constant deluge, a sheet of water falling continually from the sky. I remembered that God promised not to give us another flood like in Noah’s time but geez it was sort of looking that way.There was some thunder and lightening but not much over by me, thank God. It was scary enough with all the water and wind. Let’s not forget the tornado’s and water spouts that were generated by the storm . Just about everywhere you looked there was standing water, deep large ponds of water. people drove through that just to get home or wherever they were going.

My friend and I went to Regal Cinema on Sunday after church and lunch. Sure it was raining, it was a great day for a movie. After the movie let out, going to the parking lot I was wading in knee deep water just to get to my pickup truck. Even though I have been hoping and praying to get an SUV or minivan I sure was glad I had a truck. The water reached the bottom of my engine,definitely time to get out of there. Driving south on US19 was surreal. Shopping centers everywhere flooded, cars underwater, devastation of property was evident. Closer to my home the ponding was wherever I looked. these pictures are not far from my home in New Port Richey. 

I am so very thankful that my home is safe and dry, no tree damage, wind or water damage. I am safe and so are my pets. I have a friend that was not so lucky. Her home flooded with about one foot of water and the house across the street from her and the house directly behind her were hit by a tornado. So in a sense I guess she’s luckier than they are. Yesterday she and her husband  spent the day tearing out their rugs and tossing out all their furniture, bagging up the kids clothes and bedding to take it to get laundered. Her children had to stay with friends because it was so bad at her house and in  her neighborhood also.

I am so Blessed Lord. I have been calling her to see what I can do to help them. I know there must be something I can help them with. I will continue to see if I can bless them since I have been blessed. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work? Thank you Jesus for all you have done for me and all you still do for me.

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Shedding Our Silence  (S.O.S) is having a Fashion Show  November  3, 2012 to benefit our group and also The Helping  Hands Ministry of Calvary Chapel Worship Center.

The Helping Hands Ministry  has a food pantry with clothing and household items for the needy. We are in desperate need of gowns, shoes, jewelry, boots whatever you are able to donate for this very worthy cause.

If you are local to us we can pick it up. Ask your neighbors, friends and families if they can help us out. Get involved in helping out others, it’s a rewarding ministry. Please contact me  or Pastor Estell Keshock  via this blog  or .

Tonight I stopped by to watch a little bit of softball at the field on Little Rd, New Port Richey. I didn’t take any pictures because of the chain link fencing in front of us, maybe next time. Calvary Chapel teams were playing against each other. It was pretty easy to cheer for the right team, just say “Go Calvary Chapel!” A win- win situation, a nice little family outing. Normal healthy stuff, comfortable clothes, no drinking, cursing, etc.

While I was there I met other people from church and made a new friend. Reverend Vera, was actually in a previous post of  The Network Ministries on this past Monday night. She and Pastor Estell were at the front desk registering the participants for the event. They are  the two smiling woman in the very first picture in the slideshow. Rev. Vera informed me that she also has a ministry,  It’s called “Tiny Rose Bushes Healing Ministry”. The Facebook link is So please check her page out on “like” her page and send her a message if you want to.

It’s really nice to see this blog just grow and go in His name. Reaching out and linking to others is awesome. It makes the world a smaller place, a friendlier place with more and more people of God joining together in His name.

Thank you, Jesus.

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