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It’s been my own fault, I always blame myself when something goes wrong. I should have known better. I was caught off guard. I trusted. I believed and I trusted. I lived in my fantasy world of La La Land and trusted. Why? Because I try to believe the best in people, the good in people no matter who they are. Bad guys or good guys, it doesn’t matter to me I treat everyone the same. When I become friends with you , that’s it, you’re my friend. I’m loyal, helpful, giving, devoted, sincere, honest, caring and I stand by you. The old fashioned definition of a friend. I have friends for years and years, like 20, 30, 50 years. Sure I have acquaintances too. I have younger friends, people that are younger than me and that I have been friends with for 8 plus years, close acquaintances that become dear close friends. Very rarely do I ever have a problem about a friend hurting me come up. But this past year I did and it has had a profound affect on me. I shouldn’t admit it and give the devil what he wants but it is what it is. It hurt me to the core of my personal belief system and it shook me to say the least. I questioned myself about everything.

I am one of those people that love to help and enjoy making others happy. If it’s a special occasion birthday coming up, I’ll see if I can get some of your peeps together to surprise you. I try to remember birthdays to send out birthday cards. On Facebook I wish strangers a Happy Birthday because you never know if no one else has. Sometimes during the year I’ll send out greeting cards to my friends to let them know I’m thinking of them. It’s a little gift in the mailbox. If I come across a chotski I know they like I’ll pick it up for them. I love my friends, to me they’re family too. I love spreading kindness. So when one of my friends stabbed me in the back one day I didn’t handle it well. I shut down to re-evaluate. At first I couldn’t even talk about it because it hurt so bad but then I knew I had to. I was and still am hurt. Not as bad as back then but it still bothers me. I even put my online business on hold and then eventually took it down. I had a small online website building business that I was just starting to evolve into something bigger, more involved, something more entrepreneurial. I was still helping friends out every now and then, nothing like before.

Being a generous person I didn’t recognize that it was a need I had to be useful and liked that made me vulnerable to be put in that position. So now I re-evaluated myself and took a long hard look, forgave myself and the other person and moved on. I feel like a new me. Older and wiser, unencumbered by this past mistake and thankful that I was able to be able to forgive and let go of it. I will no longer have anything to do with that person again, I’ll be cordial in public but I have let go of all my hurt and anger and gave it up to God for Him to take care of it. The relief and healing didn’t happen overnight, it took time. Mending a broken heart takes time. thank God for God. I have no bitterness, no resentment, no leftover ugliness. If this was the old me I would have still been stewing over this for years. It would have eaten me up and I would have infected everyone I knew. Thank God for God. I can say I am able to live with my conscience knowing I did the right thing in the eyes of God.

Am I still a kind person? Do I still help people? Of course I do. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and if I’m to be a follower of His then I need to believe and follow what the Bible says. Sure it’s really hard sometimes but a diamond starts out as a dirty black lump of coal stuck underground right? It has to get dug out, chiseled, polished and refined. I’m not a diamond yet, I’m still being worked on.

That’s what life does to us. It’s a process.

Blessings,

Mary

                                            God is in the eye of the beholder.

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time on the internet. Doing research for my small business, downloading pictures I need to use for social media and my writing, and job hunting. Oh, let’s not forget checking and posting on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and anything else that catches my attention. Balancing my checkbook, paying bills, checking emails, promoting my new book and also just for the heck of it out of pure boredom.

It’s not that I don’t have things I can do like cleaning, gardening, washing the dog and the car and making phone calls. But let’s face it, they can wait. I might miss some interesting tidbit of information, webinar, a news bulletin, an interesting job post or who knows what. I do know whom my God is being a born again Christian but yet the world that I live in and must participate in has gone high tech and digital.

Gone are the days of walking into a business and filling out an application. Now go to the website and fill it out there. If you don’t know about tags and keywords you are at a disadvantage. Even then a computer sorts your application. The face to face interview has gone live video or send your resume via video, it depends on the company you’re applying to. Grocery and big box stores are having self checkouts which are just computers that take your money via credit/debit card. No more video stores, now go to a box outside a store to pick out movies to rent. Streaming and downloading videos are competing with regular disc rentals. Personally I don’t stream or download, I prefer to have the product in my possession, not dependent on WiFi or internet services.

People are disappearing and being replaced by high tech, cameras are so many places now. Cameras in street lights, doorbells, cars, phones, buildings, medical devices, airports, pens and I’m sure in places we haven’t noticed yet. Passwords on new computers and phones are using eye scans, thumbprints and voice recognition. Our identities are being digitized and pixelated. We don’t remember phone numbers anymore because of cell phones. Hardly anyone in the younger generation wears a watch, they use their cell phones. We compare ourselves to others and are more self absorbed thanks to the ‘selfie’. No wonder more and more people are having identity and gender crisis’.

Are you sure you know who you are? Do you know whose you are? We were created in the image of God. God never changes, He never fails. He is an unchanging constant in our lives. No passwords needed to have a relationship with Him. Jesus just wants us to believe in Him and the Resurrection. You don’t have to log in, check in or be scanned in. He is always there for you. Jesus was a real person not a machine. He died for us, to save us from the condemnation of OUR sins. He isn’t a computer no one or thing can duplicate Him.

Instead of spending so much time on the internet job hunting I’m going to turn back to Him, trust Jesus in providing all my needs all the time. Will I still use the computer? Probably. But not as much as I had been doing. Look out Google, I’ve got the one and only God at my side. No idol or idle worship here, I am blessed.

Blessings,

Mary

 I just want to thank you LORD for all the blessings I received this past year. When I had doubt that my prayers would ever be answered all I needed to do was to BELIEVE that You would answer them. Every time doubt crept into my mind, I would make myself turn from the doubt and remember to TRUST in your promises to me. The promises in the Bible. They’re everywhere all I have to do is open the book and start reading. The miracles of life, the Word of God, your promises to not just me but to all of us.

Years ago when I desperately needed to find out a few answers to the very daunting and haunting questions I had about personal relationships You were there with me. From planning to making a way for me, You did did that. The only things I had to do was pray, trust and make sure I was in YOUR WILL. Yours not mine. I’m still trying NOT to be stubborn,headstrong, independent and willful. Difficult to say the least. It’s not easy to depend on someone else nonetheless a God that is invisible.

But, believing and trusting that You are there gave me the breakthroughs that I needed. It’s not easy to stay in your will but I managed to do it (with Your help). After years of waiting for an improvement in those relationships I realized that I was waiting on a cause of action that was not going to happen. So again I came to You LORD to please restore me back to where I was before. You did that this year.

I prayed and stayed in Your Will. You made a way for me again. Thank you Jesus! People were positioned in my life that offered new experiences and connections. Family and friends came forward to help me make the move back to where I was before. It became such an awesome experience and growth period for me. Thank you again Jesus! Trusting You and letting go of me.

Always such a hard thing to do. Walking the walk and not just talking the talk is not easy but it sure was worth it. The power I gave those thoughts (of personal relationships) was no longer holding me captive. I’m freer now and actually can feel new doors opening for me. Since then I actually do have improved personal relationships. Well, improved enough to give me a new lease on my life. Either way I am a very grateful person and so thankful to, and for, the people in my life.

Thank you LORD for giving me that part of my life back. I couldn’t have done that without You. As a matter of fact thanks for everything!

Blessings,

Mary

 

Dear God,

Yet again I ask, why this, why me? Talk to me God, what am I supposed to be doing? Every time I feel able to go out and get a job something else happens. Thank you God it’s not cancer again. Or back surgery again. Praise God, He has healed me of serious illness and injuries. Thank you God it’s not any one of a million other life changing scenarios. It’s just my car!

My old 2002 Honda Odyssey that I have been fixing up and repairing ever since I bought it 4 1/2 years ago. At least I didn’t have a car payment on top of all the repairs. That was one of the best cars I ever owned. I loaded that minivan with so many things, from one church to another, from my home to someone elses home. It was a beater car to look at both inside and out (that’s how I bought it) but it was reliable as long as I maintained it and fixed it when it broke down.

But THIS TIME it’s different. It’s the transmission. The cost of repairs/replacement is more than the book value of the car. I am so sad right now. Because not only did I want to work but I am also trying to move back to Florida from here in New York (before next winter).

But I feel a peace about everything. I know you have a plan for my life, just like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. You ALWAYS had a plan for me. You know my heart, soul, mind and body. I guess I am right here were I need to be. I am home doing computer catch up work for myself and packing.

Yep, I’m packing at least two boxes a day. I’m optimistic that it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to be, according to His plan. Praise God. Thanks for the hope and strength while I wait.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

Blessings,

Mary

 

Priest to Priest

Again, I am so excited to share with you my personal encounters, private moments with Jesus Christ.  I speak a release of the holy presence, the weighty holy presence of the Living God into you in Jesus’ name.

My heart’s longing has been this one thing, to stand before the throne of the Living God and minister unto Him, to minister His Presence, every moment, of every day, of every year, for eternity.  There is nothing that means anything to me outside of being in His Presence.  I have often said I am like the ark of the covenant, a carrier of the Presence of the Living God.  He lives in me.  I feel Him burning inside of me, I feel His flames of fire physically moving, burning, glowing deep inside the center of me.  This is my truth, this is who I truly am inside of me. If I were alive in the Old Testament, I would be a Levite assigned as a priest to minister unto Him.  Nothing moves me the way seeing me alone, in the silence of the Tabernacle, burning incense unto the Living God possibly ever could.  The honor of entering the Holy of Holies on behalf of His people Israel renders me speechless.  To move in the silent holy thick weighty atmosphere of the Presence of God, every cell in my being comes alive. I was born for this very purpose, Him.

One moment as I was lost in worship, soaking in the presence of the Lord, I entered into this solitary place, a place of complete privacy and isolation from anyone or anything.  It is a place of total hiddenness.  As I close my eyes, my spirit enters this place of holiness, even now as I return there at this moment.

The atmosphere in this place is holy.  The silence itself is holy, even the holiness is holy.  It is so beautiful.  I knew inside of me then and now that this was and is the Holy of Holies, a place of all encompassing intimacy and holiness, just Him, just me, and no one else.

Holy Spirit please help me describe this.  As I entered this place, the High Priest of our confession appeared before me dressed in his priestly attire.  Wow, my spirit man is pulling on the anointing, I can feel myself inside drawing on Him, I’m so desperate for You Lord.  Jesus, the precious High Priest of our confession stood there, looking at me, so holy, so powerful, so priestly, and He smiled so wide, opened the door or wall area, to let me enter.  He stood to the right side of me and motioned with His right arm for me to enter like a gentleman would welcoming a guest into His home.  This is, after all, His home, “Our home actually,” He just spoke into me.  As I entered in and walked by Him, Jesus smiled wider, His face lit up with happiness that I was with Him.

The floor was made of what looked like pure white marble, alive, shiny, reflective, clean, spotless, the floor itself, the marble itself, was and is holy.  The walls were of a similar material, they too are holy and pure and alive. The room is sparsely decorated.  To the right is a large wall made of what seemed to be a window with long white veils hanging as curtains, the light that emanated in this place was and is holy and alive.  Before the window to the right was a beautiful vanity, with a large mirror encrusted in a golden frame of swirls and designs.  The vanity itself was made of the most beautiful dark blue material or wood, it was solid and it too was and is holy. It looked royal like what one would see in a castle with a matching velvet seat that was long enough to seat two people.

To the left of this place was a large platform made of the same pure white holy marble, it had two steps up.  I do not know what was on the platform and I still do not because my eyes were and are consistently drawn to the golden altar that is just beyond the platform, I see four horns on the corners of the altar.  Up behind the golden altar with the four horns is a large veil hanging from ceiling to floor which is torn in two.  The ark of the covenant is behind the veil, it’s door, open, and it’s inside now empty.

Jesus handed me matching priest garments.  I found myself dressing in the same attire Jesus Christ was wearing.  Jesus was helping me put everything on correctly. He took His time, He was so careful and exact with each garment and item.  I felt tiny next to His majesty, He is so awesome and so kind, gentle, perfectly perfect.  I was so happy, He knew I was happy being with Him.  He said to me once, “I am so happy, I make you happy.”

Jesus placed a fair mitre, with a golden inscription written in it that read, “Holiness to the Lord,” upon my head.  It was a powerful moment for me. Zachariah 3:5 KJV says “And I said, Let them set a fair mitre upon his (meaning Joshua) head. So they set a fair mitre upon his head, and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the Lord stood by.” When He finished helping me dress, I looked like Him and I literally just lost it.  I felt such joy that I physically began to jump up and down and I actually involuntarily did a happy dance, I could not help it and I could not stop myself.  I was rejoicing with pure joy, filled  with happiness, and Jesus was laughing.  He looked so happy that I was happy to be with Him.  It was and is holy.

We then walked over to the golden altar with the four horns, I grabbed one of the horns and stood there reflecting in my heart what the word said about intercession and grabbing the horns of the altar. I recalled the horns being grabbed by those who needed help, like Adonijah in 1 Kings 1:50 KJV.  I felt this need to lay upon the altar at that moment, so I did.  I laid my life upon the altar before the High Priest of my confession in the Holy of Holies.  We prayed and interceded at that altar,  I do not know for how long.

Thereafter, I was standing before Jesus Christ, both of us wearing matching priestly attire in front of the platform.  He turned me around and pulled my back into His chest and He took my hands in His hands, my hands were under His and He extended both of our arms outward to the right and to the left.  Without speaking to me, I heard Him say, “Move with my movements, when I move my right hand up, move your right hand in sync with mine, and when I move my left hand up as holding your hand, move your left arm with mine.”  He repeatedly spoke to me without saying a word to move the way He moves, to imitate only what He does, He and I were so close in proximity that when He moved, I moved.  When He stepped, I stepped, when He leaned far to the right, I leaned far to the right with Him.  He began to move in dance like movements and motion and I leaned against Him, I yielded to His movements, to His motion, and relinquished control.  I relinquished my movements into Him, I let go and leaned all that I am upon His being and He took over the movements of the both of us. He directed each direction, we moved across the floor in that place.  If He turned, I turned, if He lifted His right arm, my right arm lifted with His, if He put His left hand on my left hip, my left hand went to my left hip as we continued to spin slowly, every single movement Jesus Christ made, I made in complete unison with Him.  When He stopped, I stopped.  He did not speak a word yet He spoke instructions into me.  We were one in all that we did, I looked like Him.  I moved just like He moved.  This went on for quite some time.  I never wanted it to end.  We looked amazing! I was watching us from the vanity seat and our movements became so in tune, so smooth. So holy. So silent, each movement choreographed by the Most High. He did not make one move without my mirroring it exactly.  It was powerful to witness.

I do not know how long we moved as one, it was for quite some time.  Eventually, we sat side by side on the vanity seat staring at each other in the mirror.  He is beautiful!! He is the beautiful one in all the earth, in all the heavens, anywhere!!  We both sat up super straight and we looked alike, our reflection in the mirror, we looked alike! We were in matching identical priestly garments!! I had my face, I was me still but I resembled Him, I conformed to His image as I yielded my movements unto Him.  I thought of Romans 8:30 KJV,  “For whom  He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He may be the firstborn among many brethren.” I watched that very verse come alive into me as I sat there, seeing my reflection, looking like, resembling, becoming as He is, as I yielded unto Him, conforming to His image.

We both were looking at each other in the mirror before us.  We smiled at the same time and then burst out in laugher together.  We began to be silly together, we made faces in the mirror, we sat back to back, arms crossed, very silly moments were had.  Jesus took photographic portraits of us together.  He did.  I saw them.  He took so many photographic portraits of us as we danced and moved and laughed together.  He said to me that He has photo albums of things we have shared together.  He showed me several portraits of Him and me, of moments we shared. I was so surprised He had them! He told me many of our portraits are hanging all over in the mansion prepared for me!

We then stood up, facing each other, holding each other’s hands in front of us, in holy silence, looking into each other’s eyes.  I stood there facing Jesus, the One I adore, knowing inside at that precise moment, we were standing before each other,

Priest-to-Priest.

1 Peter 2:8 KJV, “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth His praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

Reblogged from: http://dtmchurch.com/priest-to-priest/

Author Kari Bidyk

 

It’s been quite awhile since my last post. A lot has happened since then. I was not only trying to run my site building business but I was also trying to find work  for myself. It seems I must have thought I wasn’t busy enough. I also had begun taking an online business class to improve my business acumen.

Pushing myself physically and mentally to get ahead. All the while doing it with an old back injury. Pushing past it by telling myself  ‘everyone has aches and pains, put on your big girl panties and deal with it’. I was not taking into account something out of the blue taking me out of commission.

Working with a back handicap and then having to have spinal fusion due to Spinal Stenosis was a new learning experience for me. I told myself it was ‘only arthritis’, but it was a lot more than that, it’s the narrowing of the spinal canal.

The doctor said 3-6 months for healing. I didn’t want to hear it and I told the doctor just that. I wanted to put a rush on it.I wanted my life back.

I exacerbated my pain symptoms once and believe me I learned my lesson. Listen to the doctor. I’m now at the 3 month mark and feel great. I look forward to the 6 month mark. Why am I writing all this? Because I didn’t plan on any of it. Everything got a little behind. Sure I caught up right away but I really don’t like to lose sight of my goals.

I also was losing sight of God when all this started. The pain was intense and unbearable it had me thinking of “I wanted” this and that. Because the pain was so constant and present I couldn’t focus or think of anything; I couldn’t even pray. That really worried me.

I wondered where was God when I was so blinded by my physical pain. I felt as if I was in a white abyss unable to clear my mind and cry out to God. I felt vulnerable and alone. Very slowly I began to realize that He was always with me, He never left me. Getting me out of the way to allow for more of Him was essential.

 I thank God all the time for His love and protection. Now, I’m back on track, looking to do more and seeking His face, seeking Him always. I am so grateful for His timing. I know I’m going to be better than I was because of Him.

 

 

 

 

GlobalCAST Resources

Samuel Zwemer said, “The history of missions is the history of answered prayer.” Here we make a case for the priority of mobilizing prayer in our missions mobilization efforts.

Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

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God showed up

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I am a believer in Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior. But I wonder if God is really hearing me when I talk to Him. Most of the time I don’t wonder, I firmly believe that He does hear me. There are times though that I question everything around me.

It’s  those times that things are going in the wrong direction and I doubt myself. I question my ability to get things done right, I question the way processes around me are going. I question everything. I start wondering if I still have the capability to do so many things I’m involved in. I get the ‘what ifs’ after that. What if I can’t get it done in time, what if I run out of money, what if, what if , what if. I make myself crazy. Does God really know what’s going on in my life?

Recently I’ve been having all those feelings. I went to a prophetic breakfast at my church this past Saturday. Not only did we have our own Prophetic Ministers and Pastors there but we had a couple of guest Prophetic Pastors. During the praise and worship I was praying and asking to hear from God in some way. To dispel the doubt I asked Him to please let me have a prophetic Word so that I knew the big decision I recently made was the right one. I also asked Him to touch my friends sitting at the table with me and to help draw them nearer to Him.

To my pleasant surprise and amazement the guest Pastor came right over to me and gave me Prophetic Words. Then another guest Pastor came and spoke to one of my friends. My friend on the other side of the table was receiving Prophetic Words from two Pastors then my other two friends had separate Prophetic Words spoken over them.

It was so awesome. I could hardly believe my eyes and ears. God showed up! How wonderful is that! To God goes the Glory! Thank you Jesus. Abba Father you are so amazing! My friends and I were so excited we were giddy and talking to each other a mile a minute about what just happened. God does hear me, and not just me but everyone. He knows our hearts whether we realize it or not.

want to thank you Abba Father for being ever faithful and reliable. You are truly the ‘Rock’. Whenever I want You I just need to start talking to You. I don’t have to wonder or doubt about you. You are always with me.

To God Goes All The Glory!

Blessings,

Mary

 

Fight FOR Net Neutrality

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Fight for Net Neutrality

The FCC wants to repeal Net Neutrality rules. Without net neutrality, big cable and telecom companies will be able to divide the Internet into fast and slow lanes. What would the Internet look like without Net Neutrality? Find out by enabling this banner on your site: it shows your support for Net Neutrality by displaying a message on the bottom of your site, and “slowing down” some of your posts. Learn more about Net Neutrality

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I think about this often. How am I appearing to the people around me? Am I hurting anyone, offending anyone, are my ambitions out of control, am I oblivious to others around me? I know that many people don’t care about things like attitude, persona, language skills, manners or other non physical attributes but I do.

I don’t want to be treated poorly and in return I don’t want to do that to others. There are two ways to get noticed, 1) being kind, gentle, courteous and considerate or by being 2) vulgar, pushy, demanding, egocentric and cruel.

I can’t speak for others but I know that I choose the first category. It seems to me that the first category would also have a longer life span too. Some equate kindness with weakness but I don’t, to me it’s a super power. It’s a Blessing to be able to show love to others. The first category is about love the second is more about hate and self loathing.

Self loathing is like a wild beast running blindly through the world taking no prisoners except for the person with the self loathing. Then they themselves are the prisoner or “cursed one” bound by hatred and scorn. They go around condemning others because they themselves feel condemned. They can’t see any Blessings due to the curses and their innermost pain.

To break the chains of hate only prayer and love can overcome these. The Blessing of kindness, patience, gentleness, consideration and prayer comes about because the same people that are now kind, gentle, patient  and considerate were at one time hurting, pushy self loathing people also. Being part of this great diversified world we all need to be the Blessing not the Curse.

Life is hard, more so for some than for others and we need each other. We are all connected on this Earth, part of a greater brotherhood and sisterhood. Become part of something bigger than yourself, share your story with others, and begin listening to their stories also. It can be the beginning of a huge Blessing for everyone.

Deuteronomy 11:26 Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; 27A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: 28And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.

Deuteronomy 30:19
“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, …

 

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