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Dear God,

Yet again I ask, why this, why me? Talk to me God, what am I supposed to be doing? Every time I feel able to go out and get a job something else happens. Thank you God it’s not cancer again. Or back surgery again. Praise God, He has healed me of serious illness and injuries. Thank you God it’s not any one of a million other life changing scenarios. It’s just my car!

My old 2002 Honda Odyssey that I have been fixing up and repairing ever since I bought it 4 1/2 years ago. At least I didn’t have a car payment on top of all the repairs. That was one of the best cars I ever owned. I loaded that minivan with so many things, from one church to another, from my home to someone elses home. It was a beater car to look at both inside and out (that’s how I bought it) but it was reliable as long as I maintained it and fixed it when it broke down.

But THIS TIME it’s different. It’s the transmission. The cost of repairs/replacement is more than the book value of the car. I am so sad right now. Because not only did I want to work but I am also trying to move back to Florida from here in New York (before next winter).

But I feel a peace about everything. I know you have a plan for my life, just like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. You ALWAYS had a plan for me. You know my heart, soul, mind and body. I guess I am right here were I need to be. I am home doing computer catch up work for myself and packing.

Yep, I’m packing at least two boxes a day. I’m optimistic that it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to be, according to His plan. Praise God. Thanks for the hope and strength while I wait.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

Blessings,

Mary

 

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Priest to Priest

Again, I am so excited to share with you my personal encounters, private moments with Jesus Christ.  I speak a release of the holy presence, the weighty holy presence of the Living God into you in Jesus’ name.

My heart’s longing has been this one thing, to stand before the throne of the Living God and minister unto Him, to minister His Presence, every moment, of every day, of every year, for eternity.  There is nothing that means anything to me outside of being in His Presence.  I have often said I am like the ark of the covenant, a carrier of the Presence of the Living God.  He lives in me.  I feel Him burning inside of me, I feel His flames of fire physically moving, burning, glowing deep inside the center of me.  This is my truth, this is who I truly am inside of me. If I were alive in the Old Testament, I would be a Levite assigned as a priest to minister unto Him.  Nothing moves me the way seeing me alone, in the silence of the Tabernacle, burning incense unto the Living God possibly ever could.  The honor of entering the Holy of Holies on behalf of His people Israel renders me speechless.  To move in the silent holy thick weighty atmosphere of the Presence of God, every cell in my being comes alive. I was born for this very purpose, Him.

One moment as I was lost in worship, soaking in the presence of the Lord, I entered into this solitary place, a place of complete privacy and isolation from anyone or anything.  It is a place of total hiddenness.  As I close my eyes, my spirit enters this place of holiness, even now as I return there at this moment.

The atmosphere in this place is holy.  The silence itself is holy, even the holiness is holy.  It is so beautiful.  I knew inside of me then and now that this was and is the Holy of Holies, a place of all encompassing intimacy and holiness, just Him, just me, and no one else.

Holy Spirit please help me describe this.  As I entered this place, the High Priest of our confession appeared before me dressed in his priestly attire.  Wow, my spirit man is pulling on the anointing, I can feel myself inside drawing on Him, I’m so desperate for You Lord.  Jesus, the precious High Priest of our confession stood there, looking at me, so holy, so powerful, so priestly, and He smiled so wide, opened the door or wall area, to let me enter.  He stood to the right side of me and motioned with His right arm for me to enter like a gentleman would welcoming a guest into His home.  This is, after all, His home, “Our home actually,” He just spoke into me.  As I entered in and walked by Him, Jesus smiled wider, His face lit up with happiness that I was with Him.

The floor was made of what looked like pure white marble, alive, shiny, reflective, clean, spotless, the floor itself, the marble itself, was and is holy.  The walls were of a similar material, they too are holy and pure and alive. The room is sparsely decorated.  To the right is a large wall made of what seemed to be a window with long white veils hanging as curtains, the light that emanated in this place was and is holy and alive.  Before the window to the right was a beautiful vanity, with a large mirror encrusted in a golden frame of swirls and designs.  The vanity itself was made of the most beautiful dark blue material or wood, it was solid and it too was and is holy. It looked royal like what one would see in a castle with a matching velvet seat that was long enough to seat two people.

To the left of this place was a large platform made of the same pure white holy marble, it had two steps up.  I do not know what was on the platform and I still do not because my eyes were and are consistently drawn to the golden altar that is just beyond the platform, I see four horns on the corners of the altar.  Up behind the golden altar with the four horns is a large veil hanging from ceiling to floor which is torn in two.  The ark of the covenant is behind the veil, it’s door, open, and it’s inside now empty.

Jesus handed me matching priest garments.  I found myself dressing in the same attire Jesus Christ was wearing.  Jesus was helping me put everything on correctly. He took His time, He was so careful and exact with each garment and item.  I felt tiny next to His majesty, He is so awesome and so kind, gentle, perfectly perfect.  I was so happy, He knew I was happy being with Him.  He said to me once, “I am so happy, I make you happy.”

Jesus placed a fair mitre, with a golden inscription written in it that read, “Holiness to the Lord,” upon my head.  It was a powerful moment for me. Zachariah 3:5 KJV says “And I said, Let them set a fair mitre upon his (meaning Joshua) head. So they set a fair mitre upon his head, and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the Lord stood by.” When He finished helping me dress, I looked like Him and I literally just lost it.  I felt such joy that I physically began to jump up and down and I actually involuntarily did a happy dance, I could not help it and I could not stop myself.  I was rejoicing with pure joy, filled  with happiness, and Jesus was laughing.  He looked so happy that I was happy to be with Him.  It was and is holy.

We then walked over to the golden altar with the four horns, I grabbed one of the horns and stood there reflecting in my heart what the word said about intercession and grabbing the horns of the altar. I recalled the horns being grabbed by those who needed help, like Adonijah in 1 Kings 1:50 KJV.  I felt this need to lay upon the altar at that moment, so I did.  I laid my life upon the altar before the High Priest of my confession in the Holy of Holies.  We prayed and interceded at that altar,  I do not know for how long.

Thereafter, I was standing before Jesus Christ, both of us wearing matching priestly attire in front of the platform.  He turned me around and pulled my back into His chest and He took my hands in His hands, my hands were under His and He extended both of our arms outward to the right and to the left.  Without speaking to me, I heard Him say, “Move with my movements, when I move my right hand up, move your right hand in sync with mine, and when I move my left hand up as holding your hand, move your left arm with mine.”  He repeatedly spoke to me without saying a word to move the way He moves, to imitate only what He does, He and I were so close in proximity that when He moved, I moved.  When He stepped, I stepped, when He leaned far to the right, I leaned far to the right with Him.  He began to move in dance like movements and motion and I leaned against Him, I yielded to His movements, to His motion, and relinquished control.  I relinquished my movements into Him, I let go and leaned all that I am upon His being and He took over the movements of the both of us. He directed each direction, we moved across the floor in that place.  If He turned, I turned, if He lifted His right arm, my right arm lifted with His, if He put His left hand on my left hip, my left hand went to my left hip as we continued to spin slowly, every single movement Jesus Christ made, I made in complete unison with Him.  When He stopped, I stopped.  He did not speak a word yet He spoke instructions into me.  We were one in all that we did, I looked like Him.  I moved just like He moved.  This went on for quite some time.  I never wanted it to end.  We looked amazing! I was watching us from the vanity seat and our movements became so in tune, so smooth. So holy. So silent, each movement choreographed by the Most High. He did not make one move without my mirroring it exactly.  It was powerful to witness.

I do not know how long we moved as one, it was for quite some time.  Eventually, we sat side by side on the vanity seat staring at each other in the mirror.  He is beautiful!! He is the beautiful one in all the earth, in all the heavens, anywhere!!  We both sat up super straight and we looked alike, our reflection in the mirror, we looked alike! We were in matching identical priestly garments!! I had my face, I was me still but I resembled Him, I conformed to His image as I yielded my movements unto Him.  I thought of Romans 8:30 KJV,  “For whom  He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He may be the firstborn among many brethren.” I watched that very verse come alive into me as I sat there, seeing my reflection, looking like, resembling, becoming as He is, as I yielded unto Him, conforming to His image.

We both were looking at each other in the mirror before us.  We smiled at the same time and then burst out in laugher together.  We began to be silly together, we made faces in the mirror, we sat back to back, arms crossed, very silly moments were had.  Jesus took photographic portraits of us together.  He did.  I saw them.  He took so many photographic portraits of us as we danced and moved and laughed together.  He said to me that He has photo albums of things we have shared together.  He showed me several portraits of Him and me, of moments we shared. I was so surprised He had them! He told me many of our portraits are hanging all over in the mansion prepared for me!

We then stood up, facing each other, holding each other’s hands in front of us, in holy silence, looking into each other’s eyes.  I stood there facing Jesus, the One I adore, knowing inside at that precise moment, we were standing before each other,

Priest-to-Priest.

1 Peter 2:8 KJV, “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth His praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

Reblogged from: http://dtmchurch.com/priest-to-priest/

Author Kari Bidyk

 

It’s been quite awhile since my last post. A lot has happened since then. I was not only trying to run my site building business but I was also trying to find work  for myself. It seems I must have thought I wasn’t busy enough. I also had begun taking an online business class to improve my business acumen.

Pushing myself physically and mentally to get ahead. All the while doing it with an old back injury. Pushing past it by telling myself  ‘everyone has aches and pains, put on your big girl panties and deal with it’. I was not taking into account something out of the blue taking me out of commission.

Working with a back handicap and then having to have spinal fusion due to Spinal Stenosis was a new learning experience for me. I told myself it was ‘only arthritis’, but it was a lot more than that, it’s the narrowing of the spinal canal.

The doctor said 3-6 months for healing. I didn’t want to hear it and I told the doctor just that. I wanted to put a rush on it.I wanted my life back.

I exacerbated my pain symptoms once and believe me I learned my lesson. Listen to the doctor. I’m now at the 3 month mark and feel great. I look forward to the 6 month mark. Why am I writing all this? Because I didn’t plan on any of it. Everything got a little behind. Sure I caught up right away but I really don’t like to lose sight of my goals.

I also was losing sight of God when all this started. The pain was intense and unbearable it had me thinking of “I wanted” this and that. Because the pain was so constant and present I couldn’t focus or think of anything; I couldn’t even pray. That really worried me.

I wondered where was God when I was so blinded by my physical pain. I felt as if I was in a white abyss unable to clear my mind and cry out to God. I felt vulnerable and alone. Very slowly I began to realize that He was always with me, He never left me. Getting me out of the way to allow for more of Him was essential.

 I thank God all the time for His love and protection. Now, I’m back on track, looking to do more and seeking His face, seeking Him always. I am so grateful for His timing. I know I’m going to be better than I was because of Him.

 

 

 

 

GlobalCAST Resources

Samuel Zwemer said, “The history of missions is the history of answered prayer.” Here we make a case for the priority of mobilizing prayer in our missions mobilization efforts.

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God showed up

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I am a believer in Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior. But I wonder if God is really hearing me when I talk to Him. Most of the time I don’t wonder, I firmly believe that He does hear me. There are times though that I question everything around me.

It’s  those times that things are going in the wrong direction and I doubt myself. I question my ability to get things done right, I question the way processes around me are going. I question everything. I start wondering if I still have the capability to do so many things I’m involved in. I get the ‘what ifs’ after that. What if I can’t get it done in time, what if I run out of money, what if, what if , what if. I make myself crazy. Does God really know what’s going on in my life?

Recently I’ve been having all those feelings. I went to a prophetic breakfast at my church this past Saturday. Not only did we have our own Prophetic Ministers and Pastors there but we had a couple of guest Prophetic Pastors. During the praise and worship I was praying and asking to hear from God in some way. To dispel the doubt I asked Him to please let me have a prophetic Word so that I knew the big decision I recently made was the right one. I also asked Him to touch my friends sitting at the table with me and to help draw them nearer to Him.

To my pleasant surprise and amazement the guest Pastor came right over to me and gave me Prophetic Words. Then another guest Pastor came and spoke to one of my friends. My friend on the other side of the table was receiving Prophetic Words from two Pastors then my other two friends had separate Prophetic Words spoken over them.

It was so awesome. I could hardly believe my eyes and ears. God showed up! How wonderful is that! To God goes the Glory! Thank you Jesus. Abba Father you are so amazing! My friends and I were so excited we were giddy and talking to each other a mile a minute about what just happened. God does hear me, and not just me but everyone. He knows our hearts whether we realize it or not.

want to thank you Abba Father for being ever faithful and reliable. You are truly the ‘Rock’. Whenever I want You I just need to start talking to You. I don’t have to wonder or doubt about you. You are always with me.

To God Goes All The Glory!

Blessings,

Mary

 

Fight FOR Net Neutrality

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Fight for Net Neutrality

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I think about this often. How am I appearing to the people around me? Am I hurting anyone, offending anyone, are my ambitions out of control, am I oblivious to others around me? I know that many people don’t care about things like attitude, persona, language skills, manners or other non physical attributes but I do.

I don’t want to be treated poorly and in return I don’t want to do that to others. There are two ways to get noticed, 1) being kind, gentle, courteous and considerate or by being 2) vulgar, pushy, demanding, egocentric and cruel.

I can’t speak for others but I know that I choose the first category. It seems to me that the first category would also have a longer life span too. Some equate kindness with weakness but I don’t, to me it’s a super power. It’s a Blessing to be able to show love to others. The first category is about love the second is more about hate and self loathing.

Self loathing is like a wild beast running blindly through the world taking no prisoners except for the person with the self loathing. Then they themselves are the prisoner or “cursed one” bound by hatred and scorn. They go around condemning others because they themselves feel condemned. They can’t see any Blessings due to the curses and their innermost pain.

To break the chains of hate only prayer and love can overcome these. The Blessing of kindness, patience, gentleness, consideration and prayer comes about because the same people that are now kind, gentle, patient  and considerate were at one time hurting, pushy self loathing people also. Being part of this great diversified world we all need to be the Blessing not the Curse.

Life is hard, more so for some than for others and we need each other. We are all connected on this Earth, part of a greater brotherhood and sisterhood. Become part of something bigger than yourself, share your story with others, and begin listening to their stories also. It can be the beginning of a huge Blessing for everyone.

Deuteronomy 11:26 Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; 27A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: 28And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.

Deuteronomy 30:19
“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, …

 

Lately I have been filled with self pity and remorse. I try not to be so down but my mind starts filling with sad memories at this time of year and I battle my personal demons. I say personal because they know just how to get to me. Like some terrible old friends that I try to put out of my life but then there they are again.

Trying not to be triggered by certain things doesn’t help. It’s almost as if the enemy knows the back door to my mind and pries it open, flooding it, overwhelming my mind with self doubt and self pity. I begin to doubt my accomplishments,  strengths, direction, abilities, creativity and then my Faith.

I delve deeper into a full blown pity party. Thinking negatively towards myself I begin to think ‘poor me’, ‘no good at anything’, ‘left out of everything. Yep, full blown pity party. It started months ago.

I’ve been job hunting now for quite some time. With every resume sent and not responded to it chipped away at my self esteem, doubt in myself and skills increased. I responded by sending out more resumes, digging my heels in so to speak.

Determined more than ever to get a job. Nothing happened. Thinking it must be because I lack something I signed up for classes while waiting for responses. Nothing happened.

 Having feelings of abandonment (that’s a childhood trigger), I IMAGINE that no one cares. all the while my friends take me to lunch , sometimes dinner, give me gas money for my car, bring me as a guest to their functions, and try to show their love for me and compassion for my situation. My friends are awesome. But, because I can’t seem to let go of this baggage the feelings only increase with every kindness. It’s almost as if I have an echo in my mind that for every kindness towards me I imagine a negative feeling.

I’ve been desperately seeking employment, my Social Security check is not enough and I am also slightly disabled. My life direction lately has actually changed from volunteering in my church’s food pantry to being involved with the disabled community and also with people that also like to  help others. Which is such a wonderful thing and something I am always interested in, helping others.

I have recently been included in two new programs, one for an online  school for the disabled and another for community TV and radio to showcase disabled and local Long Islanders assisting community residents in connecting with and helping others. Perfect, right up my alley so to speak. What a Blessing. It is almost too good to be true but it is. My life direction is changing and it feels strangely wonderful. Except for my baggage that I had carrying around with me. That baggage was beginning to be quite a burden (evil spirits are no fun), I still wallow.

I have been BLESSED by so many people yet I wallow. Why do I wallow? I know now that it’s  IDOL WORSHIP because I focus on myself. Yes, indulging in self pity and self degradation is looking only at yourself. Being selfish so to speak. I thought I was just down on myself but its actually a lot worse than that. I also know now that I’m wallowing in PRIDE because I have difficulty accepting (receiving) from others. I’m usually the one that gives to others, now I have to learn how to  receive. It’s not easy for me, that’s where the Pride comes in. I learned about all these in Bible Study classes, oh yeah, I also learned about the Spirit of the Python, squeezing the life out of me. Thank God that was caught in time.

Having  been riding the fence with TRUST in GOD. Sure, He most definitely provided for me all my life not just these past years, but I needed to also provide for myself. I couldn’t just sit around waiting now could I?

Until early this morning I would have still been wallowing. What changed?

Prayer. Everyday I talk with God and ask for help of some type, like a babbling child. Show me the way God, talk to me God, hey God are you listening? Can’t you see I’m hurting and in trouble here?

Sure He can, I think He just waited until I finished babbling and wallowing.  Thank you Jesus for speaking to me today.

One of the things that changed was a remark I heard from a tele- Evangelist Christmas show. You’d think that since Christmas has been broadcast all around me I would have realized it sooner. That since I’m a Christian I’d have paid much more attention to the meaning of Christmas. Not really.

No, I was too busy wallowing, until this morning. I heard a small voice, the reason is the birth of His Son (my Savior). I thought it was the TV, maybe it doesn’t matter as long as I heard it and remembered the reason we celebrate Christmas.  Not for a tree or a jolly old man in a red suit, or for all the gifts handed back and forth, but because of a very special baby boy being born to a poor young couple in a stable . That couple were living in a wicked harsh world, raw and rough no amenities of any kind.

It was like a breakthrough for me, I can visualize it in my mind as if I was there. Look at all that I have, even if I have nothing there are so many people that are so much worse off than I am. The burden is lifted, I have much gratitude for the opportunities, family, friends and even the problems that I might think I have. I only have to remember that it was because God gave us His Son to go through all that He had to go through to show us the Way back to Him.

I can hear and see His messages to me in other peoples conversations. I see it in the beauty of the sky and the nature around me. I have my Joy and Peace back.

  I’m celebrating the birth of my Savior, the one who found me and forgave me and loves me for who I am, now and forever. The One who saved me from Hell.

Thank you Jesus, I heard one of my favorite Scriptures tonight:

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (NIV)

Merry Christmas 

The expression, “Out on a Limb” can mean:

‘In or into a position where one is not joined or supported by anyone else'(Oxforddictionaries.com) or 

 ‘This expression alludes to an animal climbing out on the limb of a tree and then being afraid or unable to retreat’ (freedictionary.com) or

‘they do something they strongly believe in even though it is risky or extreme, and is likely to fail or be criticized by other people’ (Collinsdictionary.com).

Have you every felt like you were able to fit into one of these definitions? I can identify myself with the first and third definition.

Before my conversion to Born again Christian I felt that my bad choices were like the branches of a tree. Extending further and further out and branching off in different directions. Seemingly impossible to return from that precarious perch at the end of all these branches. With each branch putting out smaller branches, some of them were ‘sucker shoots’ or water sprouts. These occurred when the tree is injured.

Imagining myself as part of the tree, with my injuries, wounds and sins I thought getting back to a new life was impossible. I found out that’s a lie from the Devil. I was feeling defeated and an easy mark.

I have literally forced myself into facing my fears, disappointments, expectations, fantasies, doubts, demons and limitations.

Learning about the Spirits have helped me to grow in Christ. Removing the bondage is a hard journey but it’s finally leaving. The Spirit of the Python is much like the vines strangling trees, roots, branches and anything it touches. It chokes the life out of the host. Life leaves, there is not any  vitality or voice to cry out.

I decided to shake the tree.

I decided to trim the tree.

I decided which limb I wanted to go out on if I needed to.

I decided not to dwell on the broken branches.

I decided that a new journey can be an exciting road to be on. As long as I remember who my Abba Father is.

I decided to seek God my own way, to keep His ways, and when I am out on a limb to remember He is there with me even on the most precarious branches. Thank you Jesus.

I decided!

Blessings, Mary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over ten  years ago A very dear friend of mine offered me a consult job. With the condition that I had to buy  a computer and learn all about it for this particular job. That was a great opportunity offered to me but I knew nothing about the computer . Some of my friends and my eldest son were way ahead of me when it came to computers. Shopping for something I knew nothing about was also a challenge. I kept circulars, info sheets, newspaper articles and all sorts of stuff to help me decide which was the best one to buy. I finally decided on one, brought it home and took it out of the boxes. 

Looking at all the parts and reading the directions I finally figured out what plug went where and how to turn it on. Back then we had a dial up connection. Remember dial up and the noises it made?

Once it was up and running, I began reading everything I could about the operations and functions of this machine. I began reaching out for more and more help from the outside. Since my friends and eldest son were much wiser than me about this I called them up constantly for assistance.

One of the things that I had the hardest time with was copy and paste. Trying to picture in my mind what they were telling me over the phone, I wasn’t grasping it. Because of  the dial up connection I couldn’t have the computer on while talking with anyone on the telephone. It was one or the other.

This simple technique of copy and paste was beyond my grasp at the time. I began working on other things keeping this question active in my mind hoping it’ll have some clarity. Waiting for an ‘ah- ha’ moment. It finally came, I was so excited I showed all my other newbie friends how to do it.

Now I copy and paste quite often, it saves me writing down a lot of notes. I noticed I did that with many things. Compartmentalizing them in a file. Thinking of my brain as a giant computer I stored away information until needed. Pulling out a file, opening it copying and pasting the information into my life, closing and saving the file.

One day I was seeking information that I knew since I was a child and found that the information was corrupted. I had bad information stored in my memories. Once I realized that I began to clean up some of my internal belief systems and get some help. I searched all the typical sources, outside agencies but I still felt dissatisfied. Something was missing from my life.

Help came  from an unexpected source, God. He slowly intervened in my life. First through friends, then through my own eyes. I saw that He was always there in my life. Being the gentleman that He always was, in the back row of the theater of my life. Waiting for me to realize He was there.

He was ever so gentle in His approach to me. Slowly lifting me up, showing me the way I needed to go. All the copy and paste information from childhood through adulthood began to be reworked in my mind.

Clarification of thought processes and reasoning’s. Now, I question everything and put it before God to make sure it’s okay for me to keep it in my memory. To move forward with a decision. I’m clearing out the clutter, all the expectations people had of me. I write my own life stories now using the past as reference points and knowing God is right there with me every step of the way. I thank God for all the Blessings in my life. I have much Gratitude.

Thank you Jesus for saving me.

Blessings,

Mary

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