Category: caring about others


I would like to think that we all have good intentions but that’s not necessarily true. Good intentions can turn to bad ones right before your eyes. Sometimes they turn over the course of time. Time is a subtle element of our lives. When I was raising my children time was always of the essence.

My life was a Topsy turvey mess that I was constantly battling to keep upright. Having been born in a completely dysfunctional family my learning curve was trying to stay one step ahead of the punishments that often followed my mistakes. Being a kid I was bound to make mistakes. The swiftness of the reprisal imprinted on me and I would try to be the perfect little everything.  In school I was withdrawn and buried myself in books. Not much to look at, overweight and a tomboy. My parents worked me hard inside the house and doing yard work.

I became a compulsive young adult with small children and eventually an obsessive-compulsive full grown adult. Obsessed with getting everything right, compelled to be perfect. Looking back I realize how much pressure I had on myself and  put upon myself through my own personal demons.

My intentions were to survive with the least amount of bad things happening to my children and myself. Having married and divorced young I hadn’t finished learning how to be a young adult when I had children. My upbringing impacted my life so much that confusion as to choosing the right path and the right people to be with was an everyday question. I was on my own with young lives to care for. I love my children and would do anything to take care of them. Making decisions without any knowledge or forecast of the possible outcomes became a gamble. I said to myself ‘ well, just make A DECISION and live with it, good or bad’. I have to add, some of them were bad. Ignorance was not bliss.

My desire to be part of a family unit, to be loved and wanted overshadowed many decisions. My kids always had plenty of food, were kept clean and dry, were well loved and protected. I did the best I could as a  very naive young female and single parent. Having lousy social skills and poor social judgments didn’t help me.

My intentions were all good but life was very hard for us. Searching for affordable housing while on welfare was a joke. Back then welfare was different for those that were not ‘working the system’. It was harsh, humiliating and degrading. Going to the doctors was awful, they treated recipients different than regular patients.

 Renting a house was difficult. Either the landlord was slumlord, was a shoddy person, or wouldn’t renew leases after one year. That was no excuse according to DSS. One time while renting a shoddy house, it became unsafe for us to live there and it was close to our years term. In order for us to find other housing we had to call the Police as a legal witness, the Fire Department to do a safety inspection and the Board of Health. If Social Services wanted any other inspections we had to get them also. Once that was completed and eviction inevitable we had to call the motel unit after hours to get placed. How humiliating is that? We finally got into a motel unit only by having the landlord evict us with no other place to go. DSS paid over $700/week for us to stay in one room with kitchenette but would not let me rent a house that was not a dump. All of our belongings were squeezed into this room if we couldn’t  find someone to store our stuff for us. Often we lost furniture etc. I became really good at thrift stores and curb alerts.

The money we had to live on was unsuitable for anyone to live on. I had to wash clothes by hand when my children were younger if the house didn’t have a washer and dryer. Everything was extra out of pocket, laundry, taxable items, bus fare, gas, school supplies etc. It was hard and emotionally painful and draining. No wonder people give up.

I never did give up though. No matter what I had to do I did the best I could for my children. They might not have liked the way we lived but we did live. We moved many times. We ate, had shelter, clean clothes, and a car. They had one of the first computers that came out ( courtesy of an ex husband), the first Nintendo game console, stereos etc,. Getting off of DSS was one of the hardest things I did. I had to work two jobs, depend on babysitters (that were unreliable and ultimately unsafe), a car that kept breaking down, no help from family, and a lot of flack from others Life became really hard for us. Bad decisions, good intentions, consequences all around. It was also the 1960’s-70’s lots of controversy happening in the world. As difficult and painful as my life was I don’t regret a thing. Life lessons learned. I became a better person through all the difficulties.

Years later looking back at how we survived, my children are grown, tall, handsome, well built intelligent, thriving adult men.  My intentions were good, my end result  is that my boys are grown into fine men, mission accomplished. I set out to raise my boys the best way I knew how and I did. My story is known through the friends that I had during those times.  

I still struggle with my intentions only now I lay them down at the cross. With all my tears and sorrowful heart. Yes I still cry out for my lost childhood and theirs, the marriages I had hopes and dreams for, the college that I never completed, and the loneliness I still feel.

When you have good intentions you still have to deal with the consequences, no matter how they turn out. I lay them down again and again until I finally give in to my Abba Father and finally let go of all my intentions.

Thank you Jesus for saving me from myself and the world.

Blessings,

Mary

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I’m the type of person that when I give you my word I carry it through. I am dedicated to completing the commitment or promise(s) that I made. I will doggedly pursue the task of completion just to get it off my “list” of things that I have to do. I understand how it feels when someone breaks a promise. It can hurt and have consequences. I don’t want to be that kind of person.

Besides compassion I have fortitude. Yes, is a driving force within me. However, when it comes to doing something for myself, my personal being, the me, myself and I person it’s a different story. I become the procrastinator person. Over the years I became so well practiced at putting others first I seemed to have forgotten myself along the way. I put myself on the back burner so to speak. As I now struggle to redefine myself I backslide every now and then.

I  force myself to change the way I do things. That’s not an easy thing to do either. Along with my determination there’s also a bit of stubbornness. I try to sit down and write a list of tasks or phone calls and wind up having a contest with myself to see just what I can accomplish in a day. I’m getting better at it. The list gets smaller and smaller each time I do it. I make it fun too. Sort of mix it up, business and pleasure. Being careful to not become a self-centered person. I know it’s not about me but I do have to take care of business. It’s about balance.

There are times that I actually feel less guilty about the time I spend taking care of my personal business. Maybe I just need more practice at self love. Hmm, tonight after class I might just soak my feet and give myself a pedicure. A type of reward for some tasks well done. Reminder to self: we say that every week. Hmm, practice balance.

Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others. It’s instilled in me, that’s part of who I am. Being a Born again Christian has improved who I am and whose I am. Knowing that I am God’s kid has made me grow more like Him.

Being human makes me realize that I have limitations and can get overwhelmed. That’s where He comes in. He reminds me that trying to do everything is HIS job. After all He is the all knowing, all seeing, all powerful God. God ALWAYS keeps His promises. He reminds me that I need to take of myself and that He is always with me. As much as I try to hurry and accomplish my tasks He shows me the beauty of a flower, the complexity of the Earth and weather, and the no such thing as coincidence phone call from a distant friend or relative.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a busy woman but now I have more clarity and a deeper sense of my purpose on this Earth. I have learned to back down politely when asked to take on another volunteer task. I have become a little more fine tuned.

I thank God for all the opportunities that come my way. With each opportunity it’s like going on another little adventure. My friends all know how much I like new adventures.

Blessings Always,

Mary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Another year is upon us, and we’re beginning to plow through it. Why does it always have to be so hectic at the end of each year? It’s supposed to be a time of family, love and retrospect into our lives. Not the rush- rush we all manage to get into. Don’t let the media and the retail stores dictate to you on how to run your lives.

Believe it or not we are all here for a reason. We belong here we just didn’t crawl out from under some rock. Learn where you came from and under whose authority you really live.

Take back the time that is micro managed by the events that are money driven. There are forces of unseen or unknown to some of us working behind the scenes of our everyday lives to change, corrupt, disrupt and manipulate us into being molded into something we really don’t want to be, to do or to go in a dictated direction. You know, for our own good. Or the good of the people around us.

Breathe, just breathe. Breathing helps, it gives us time to slow down. Smell the roses and all that. That’s right, slowly inhale with your eyes lightly closed, a nice even breath. There you go, doing it already, it might take a little practice. Most of us are not used to stopping even for a minute or two to be conscious of our breathing.

We become programmed to be part of a big collective. We don’t even know it. Hurry hurry, rush here and there so we can rush back to where? Oh yes, back to the start, home base. Just keep going and doing so you don’t or can’t pay attention to what’s important. Everyone becomes exhausted and edgy and not knowing why.We can easily lose ourselves in what society or others want.

Keep your family really close, no matter what relationship you have. Deal with it, work it out, fix it, forgive, forgive, forgive. Ask to be forgiven. Believe in Love. Believe you are worthy, everything’s a risk, a chance to begin again. Like Springtime being a renewal of the Earth.

It’s refreshing, being forgiven, or forgiving someone. It’s like being in Love again for the first time. You see them differently and feel differently about yourself.

Take charge of your life, it’s something that was given to you as a gift. Picture yourself holding this beautiful present, wrapped so lovely, it looks wonderful and so mysterious with a great big bow on it. You open it so very slowly with much anticipation and excitement for the future. You pull the ribbons of the bow with ease so as not to knot the bow.

The ribbons fall slowly to the ground and you lift the lid to see inside. Breathing in  deeply the warm and relaxing aromas of Spring inside this gift. Such enlightenment much Joy. The happiness of being given this precious and very expensive gift.

God gave us this gift. The gift of life. Open with exhilaration, gladness, and anticipation for the next gifts to come. Welcome Him. He wants us to take time for Him, not to rush around so much that we forget to  have enough time for Him.

If you can just believe that all He wants is to take care of you and yours the change in your lives will become remarkable. It’s all about Love and Forgiveness. It’s all about Him. Just believe and breathe. Blessings, Mary

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When I first heard of  Isaac Newton  I really admired him. Such a remarkable man. Many achievements. His theories of motion really stuck with me throughout my life. Imagine being around when when he was just walking around, managing his own life and studies. Such a great thinker and philosopher. He rose above the average man but yet was also just an average man.He was among some of the world’s  early intellectuals that molded our future from their own consequences.

 Newton  discovered the third law of gravity which was, according to Wikipedia “The third law states that all forces exist in pairs: if one object A exerts a force FA on a second object B, then B simultaneously exerts a force FB onA, and the two forces are equal and opposite: FA = −FB. 

It sounds complicated doesn’t it. The third law means that all forces are  between different bodies, and thus that there is no such thing as a unidirectional force or a force that acts on only one body. This law is sometimes referred to as the action-reaction law, with FA called the “action” and FB the “reaction”. The action and the reaction are simultaneous, and it does not matter which is called the action and which is called reaction; both forces are part of a single interaction, and neither force exists without the other. 

When applying that to our own lives we often think of consequences. It’s all about consequences. Every action has an opposite and equal reaction right? That applies to us also. When we are supposed to do something or NOT supposed to do something there is always a reaction to our action. Whether it’s a good or bad reaction depends on the action we were supposed to take in the first place. When we are try ing to decide what to do, if it’s a good or positive feeling we get from making the decision then the result will more than likely be a good response or reaction. On the other hand, if we are unsure, doubting, not trusting our gut instincts (aka Holy Spirit) then more than likely the response will have darker consequences.

In my lifetime I have had to make many decision. They often were troubled choices wuth negative results. It was before I became a Born again Christian. My life was troubled quite often. Since I didn”t have good role models and had to figure things out on my own I made many mistakes. The result/reaction of poor decision making. I remember being so confused at times as to which way to go. I often asked God for help and felt myself floundering in a very dangerous world. I so wanted to be out of those circumstances. Grueling consequences which were reactions to my actions. Whether it was a verbal discussion, choice of friends, what kind of job, what should I do, blah blah blah it was more confusing and getting darker for me all the time,

Sinking lower into despair and getting desperate. Praying all the time, hurting, begging God for help and direction, and all there was was quiet and the fear. I was in a pit of desperate times and going nowhere fast. The emotional pain was awful, hard to endure.  My family wasn’t speaking to me, I had no one that understood or was willing to help or even just listen to me.There was a time I self medicated just to take the heaviness off my shoulders and heart even for a brief time. I drank and partied for a short time in my life. A very brief reprieve. It was just enough of a backslide into the dwelling place of the pitiful and downtrodden to get me to see that it wasn’t the place for me to be or my children. Trying so hard to take care of my two children when I had no real choices in our lifestyles.We were a welfare family. Having to make ends meet on the stipend we were getting. Welfare told me that since I had court orders for support against the children’s fathers that meant I was getting money even though I wasn’t getting anything from them at all.

I made one decision at a time to correct the heavy drama that was my life and slowly things lightened up. I’m not saying it happened overnight but it did happen. I was getting better and stronger. With each new decision I learned to look down the road for the consequences of the every single decision I was making. If I thought it was an iffy decision I would just take a stand, make a decision and live with my choice. Future consequences.

That brings me to the now. “Back in the day” as many of us call our past, I had made decisions that included not so savvy choices but I had to make them. At that time it was all I could do. I knew in my future I would have to face up to and deal with the consequences of those iffy choices. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to be back in NY near my family. To rebuild our relationships.

Just like my building and having a relationship with Jesus I also have to do it with my family. They didn’t know about my Newton theory kind of life I had to lead. I think Jesus wanted me to see what kind of a person I was made of. How I could endure, struggle through, fight with and come out a better person. A person that is able to use my life experiences to teach and help others. Someone that understands the pain of consequences.

Are you sure you are tough enough? How much pain can you handle? What about the change that comes with crawling out of the pit of despair and into the light of Jesus Christ? Do you have the strength for that? Believe me, I’m no martyr but I am sure glad I came out on the winning side. I chose Jesus and haven’t looked back thinking that I made a wrong choice, I know I made the right one. In my heart of hearts I can feel it.  As Pastor Estell Keshock  would tell us all the time in SOS group, “Pick an H, Heaven or Hell” I picked Heaven. Which H are you picking?

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Holiday greetings to all. I just wanted to do a quick follow up on an earlier blog post about cleaning up my neighborhood.

I have been diligently picking up trash along the path in my neighborhood that my dog and I take. Sometimes it’s large bags of trash, cans, bottles and whatever is man made and in my reach. That included under the high tension wires where we walk often.

My daughter in law was throwing out some potted Chrysanthemums that were still appearing viable. So  I literally took them from my trash cans put them in my minivan and drove them around the corner to the front part of the high tension wires. I planted them in the woodsy area to the side of the property, near the road.

Feeling that I did a good deed, I even brought them a little water said a little rain prayer for them and went on my usual routine. Yes it rained, God is so awesome! But shortly thereafter, walking my dog again I came upon one of the  neighbors that live next to this area, pulling rake fulls of fallen leaves over from his yard to the front side of this area.

He jokingly said to me “want some free leaves?”. I responded, “no thanks, but aren’t you dumping?” “No, it’s biodegradable it’s not considered dumping”. I responded, “sure in about five years”, then I added, “everything is biodegradable given enough time”. He was not happy with my response. If it’s true  that the leaves are biodegradable then he should have kept them as mulch in his own yard.

Two weeks later, I’m walking my dog under the high tension wires and I hear a lawn tractor. I was searching for pine cones for a craft. The lawn tractor was of the type that it had a big square collection container on the back of it. It seems this is the next door neighbor of the first man I spoke with. He knew the place well and went to his favorite dumping spot.

I don’t get it, he went all that way, had state of the art equipment and chose not to bag it up while he had it contained and mulched. What’s with these people?

As if that’s not bad enough, when I left that area walking towards my home with my dog, I saw a neighbor outside raking and bagging his leaves. I went up to thank him and tell him it was so good of him to do that. I told him about the other neighbors up the street. He responded what’s wrong with that?”. I said ” but it’s private property”. “So, I don’t see anything wrong with it, I’m thinking of cutting down this tree because I’m sick of raking”.

It’s the only tree on his property and it gives him some shade in the summer and because of its size and placement near the corner it stops people from cutting across his property ( he has a corner house). He said, “I’ll put a big rock there”.

Let me repeat myself, I don’t get it. I reminded him that he lived on Long Island, not New York City where it’s all concrete and that’s why he chose to live in the suburbs. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked away. “Have a nice I said”, as I walked in the opposite direction.

This is God’s green Earth. His beautiful wonderful Earth. In six days God created with all His power this especially wonderful planet.

Most of Mankind is stripping away the beauty and wonder and leaving behind its filth, coldness, death and decay. I thought I could make a difference picking up the trash and trying to beautify the area a little bit. How does a single person do that? Make a huge difference? Only God can help with that.

I’m still going to plant seeds in the spring, who know’s maybe the neighbors got convicted in the Spirit.

Blessings to all.

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These  four little words are so profound. So deep. So thought provoking and even disturbing.

What have I become?

I even have difficulty writing about it. I have been so many things. Child, sister, mother, wife, friend, co worker, neighbor, statistic. I looked up the definitions of  “I, Have and Become” Posted below.

“I”:

I  is the first-person singular nominative case personal pronoun in Modern English. It is used to refer to one’s self and is capitalized, although other pronouns, such as he or she, are not capitalized.

“Have”:

1have verb \ˈhav, (h)əv, v; in “have to” meaning “must” usually ˈhaf\
had hav·ing has

1
a : to hold or maintain as a possession, privilege, or entitlement  <I have my rights>
b : to hold in one’s use, service, regard, or at one’s disposal
c : to hold, include, or contain as a part or whole
2
: to feel obligation in regard to
3
: to stand in a certain relationship to
4
a : to acquire or get possession of : obtain <these shoes are the best to be had>
b : receive <had news>
c : accept; specifically : to accept in marriage,

 

“BECOME”:

be·come verb \bi-ˈkəm, bē-\
: to begin to be or come to be something specified : to begin to have a specified quality

: to look attractive on (someone) : to be flattering to (someone)

1
a : to come into existence
b : to come to be <become sick>
2
: to undergo change or development
: to be suitable to
— become of
: to happen to

 

We get accustomed to using words loosely. We take them for granted the power in words and behind them. There were so many things “I had to have”, “had to become”, and the things I “became”. I struggled and fought for it all. To be, to become like everyone else. I was so ignorant, and wrong, I was fooled into believing I needed to become what others wanted me to become. To become what I thought I should become. Jesus taught me to put away that thinking. To trust the Holy Spirit, not the body, mind or world.

I was all those things mentioned and more. Those were were only the good words, the ones everyone is used to hearing. They say a lot but then again much is left out. When I was a child I did childish immature things, as a sister I was the one to do most of the work because I was the eldest. Taking on the inexperience and lack of love from parents I struggled to love and care for my siblings. As a wife I loved and  tolerated much. As a friend I loved and extended myself outward to others, giving the honest me. As a co worker I loved my jobs even though I didn’t want to. I offered my friendship honestly at work and outside of work. As a neighbor, I tried loving them, mostly if my friendship and outstretched hand was rejected I pulled back. I kept to myself. Always willing to help but hesitating, watching and waiting.I was and I am a statistic. That’s the way the world looks at me. Born, living, dead, tracked though out life, a statistic (that will be another story)

But there’s more:

I was a sinner also. I went my way listening to everything, watching everything, hearing and learning about how I should live in this world. What society expects of me. How I “should” do this or “must ” do that.

My thinking started out pure, clean and open, wanting to learn, to be part of, to do the right thing. Doing what others do, liking what they like, eating and drinking the same foodstuffs.

Geez Louise. “what have I become”? I cry whenever I think about it. I’m older now and so much time has gone by. I think, if only I knew then what I should look for, look up to, live for, believe in, if only I knew.

I was saved almost five years ago. I have been fast tracking as a Christian. I’m so hungry for the Lord. Knowing how much time is behind me and not knowing the time in front of me I want to BECOME more Christ like . Learn my lessons quickly, force Satan out of my life, my memories, my everything. Push onward, be a blessing, give blessings. Make myself conform to the right thing. Yes it’s hard and painful, I still hurt and cry and carry on.

I ask the Lord, “Why did it take so long for me to find you”? He reminds me that I needed all those lessons to BECOME what He wants me to become.

He saved me for the time which is now. I am a Warrior Bride for Christ.

 Thank you Jesus. Praise Him Always.

What have YOU Become?

 

 

 

 

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It’s not my job, I didn’t do it! So what!  When speaking with some people regarding litter/trash along the roads that’s some of the words I have heard, among others. Attitudes regarding polluting God’s Earth, the beautiful home he gave us to live on, planet Earth. How dare we desecrate it.

The beauty of the land, waters and sky is just too much to all take in and describe with the reverence it deserves. We are so fortunate and so often it’s taken for granted.

I walk my dog every day along the road and then I go under the high tension wires near my house. Walking under the wires there’s an open grassy area that keeps my dog and I safe from the road traffic. There are also scrub trees and overgrown bushes and weeds along the sides of the utility property. It is fenced and does have plenty of poison ivy growing under the overgrown bushes. It’s not a bad place. I’ve seen stray cats, squirrels, field mice and rabbits. It’s sort of a little sanctuary for the animals. Occasionally the utility company comes and mows the tall grass and clears the weeds and vines from the mini power station. My dog and I love it, except when the local neighbors dump their yard trash there.

It’s bad enough that the roads are littered. People throwing garbage out the car windows because they don’t want to mess up their car, overturned garbage cans not completely cleaned up,  and pedestrians throwing their trash on the ground because they don’t want to carry it to a garbage can. So I have decided to be bold, to take the initiative to show that one person can make a difference.

I’m taking back my neighborhood. I’m making sure the entrances to the power line areas stay closed to the public (as much as I can), and I’m bending down and picking up the trash. I carry an extra plastic bag with me so I can do that. I do it in front of drivers, pedestrians and neighbors. I don’t care how I look doing that or who I do it in front of.

Hopefully the neighbors will get on board and be bold and not let anyone dirty their community. After all we live here, we need to protect our neighborhood, we need to look out for each other and our environment. Just because a lot of people here recycle, it’s not enough.

Be bold people! Bend down pick it up, speak up, take notice,take action, make your space and your neighborhood a pleasant place to be in.You too can make a difference.

By Merrian Webster definition;

gar·bage

noun \ˈgär-bij\

: things that are no longer useful or wanted and that have been thrown out

: a container where people put things that are being thrown out

: something that is worthless, unimportant, or of poor quality

According to Wikipedia:

Litter: consists of waste products that have been disposed improperly, without consent, at an inappropriate location:Trash may refer to: In garbage: Municipal solid waste, unwanted or undesired waste material; Litter

Trash may refer to: In garbage: Municipal solid waste, unwanted or undesired waste material; Litter

I think if I’m able to  I’ll use my old flower and vegetable seeds and sow them into the bush area and along side of the roads next spring so the animals, and maybe some people too, can appreciate the flowers and vegetables that just might happen to “show up” there.

 

 

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Lately Lord I have noticed more aggression around me. Driving on a well known main road near my home, on my way to work, the store, church, laundromat or going to my sons house there are just so many people pushing past me. I’m already doing a little over the speed limit as it is. Drivers that should yield when they are in a yield lane zoom past just to get in front of you. It doesn’t matter that some of them are passing down the middle medium where no passing is permitted. I have seen them pass in the middle, on the shoulders, good weather, rainstorms and blizzards. No regard for others, no regard for life, theirs or anyone else’s. Look at the slideshow. Do they look happy, joyful or contented? They look like they want someone to pay, one way or another they wll vent their anger and pain.

Customers in stores demand a discount or want to return a well worn or broken item, whether or not they have the coupon or requirements met or not. They harass and raise their voices to get their way. Or, they yell out, “get me the manager”. So  the manager will come and give them what they want because of wanting to give good customer service. Instead of making people accountable for their actions and behaviors we cave in. We are bullied in stores, in doctors offices, by insurance companies, government agencies,  just about everywhere.  

What is happening to us? What are we becoming?  There is anger everywhere, in music, movies, schools, homes, everywhere. We need to take a stand. I personally don’t want  to become like my enemy, you know who I mean, satan, the evil and nasty one. I want to be like Jesus. Goodness, peace, serenity, light.

Ever since they took prayer out of school, restricted parents from discipling their own children, restricted teachers and police offers from correcting our children and being so called politically correct, I have noticed a decline, a decay, a rot setting in. Bullies do what they do because no one stands up to them out of fear of reprisal/repercussion. Living in fear is not of God. It is of the darkness, the evil one, the liar. Bring light to the darkness, do what’s right. Bullies are in pain, have low self esteem , low self worth. They look to be idolized and worshipped. Look at me, I’m bigger, faster, better, stronger, meaner, tougher, louder, smarter, richer, more clever than you are. They’re also lonely, heart broken, love starved, sad and frightened.

Before we were saved by Jesus we were the same. Broken-hearted, helpless, crying out in our own ways.  So my suggestion is to offer these kind words to make a difference. ” I’m sorry if you thought I offended you. Please go ahead of me. Let me get the door for you. May I pray for you? Jesus loves us just the way we are”.

 If we offer kindness as if Jesus was actually standing there with us, then it makes it easier. Remember the Holy Spirit is with us once we’ve accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. When we set the example, speak softly, kindly, without malice or hostility, use encouraging words and forgiveness (turning the other cheek) we ourselves grow more in Christ. So when someone refuses to yield, I do. When someone wants to raise their voice at me and argue and harass, I lower my voice and try to be nicer. When governmental clerks try to make me accept unacceptable doctrine, I gently remind them that I  am a grown up citizen and I don’t work for them.

Take a stand, Stand up for Jesus, for yourself, your country, your life and for your future generations.  Remember we are children of God, we have royal blood in our veins. We have Abba Father. Let them know they can have Him too.

Blessings, Mary 

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I’m trying hard to be a good Christian, I occasionally feel tempted to declare audible gasps, oh my’s, and Geez Louise’s’ . I see more people leaving the privacy of their homes in their pajamas, in slippers, pants way too big and drooping and sagging down on them. I see men and women wearing tight too small clothing over a rotund, spare tired body.  Don’t they look in the mirror when they get dressed? What do they see? I see and feel the sadness.

I’m overweight myself. The thought of me going out of the house with my belly fat hanging out repulses me. I try to wear clothing that’s a looser fit, you know for bigger people. I don’t try to fool myself into thinking I look good, refined, professional or more feminine by wearing thin tight blouses or low rise pants. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fashionista . I’m working on myself not just spiritually but physically, mentally and emotionally. I get it when the bible says my body is  a temple.

If the Holy Spirit is dwelling within me, He needs a livable place. I try to do regular maintenance. I know my body has issues. But I’m not going to fall for the flesh running my life. That’s a lie from the devil. I used to not even think about how I would look to Jesus. I thought well, he knows I’m a sinner. So that’s how I am. But then I just kept reading the Word daily, watched my favorite tv evangelists, read books,  listen to many preachers and figured out that what I believed was only partly true. Old school, Old Testament. Sure I faithfully believe in the commandments. I learned that those are the ground rules, then once you know the difference between right and wrong, you’re expected to move into the New Testament. The Old Testament is foundation, cornerstone building.  It lets you know, hey, what you’re doing or about to do is wrong.

Open your eyes. What do you see? Jesus wants us to get away from sin, clean up ourselves, take charge of our flesh and worldly things.  He wants us back, He comes looking for us. Can He recognize you? The New Testament is about His Grace and love. He wants us to learn about love, to love others and to love ourselves.

A false image is like a false idol. We do not worship false idols or any idols of any kind. Whether they’re movie stars, musicians,  athletes or models. We worship God, only God and we’re praising Him always in all ways for all we have and don’t have. When we are born again, the Holy Spirit, our Helper comes to dwell within us. I want to make Him proud of me. I want to remain humble and respectful.

At any time I can be called before The Lord. That means, my flesh has died. I’m dead, gone, a memory to friends and family. Standing before God the instant I take my last breath. How will I appear? Will I display a trashy image? Have I tried to do Gods will? I am accountable for my life. Me, myself.

I do not care what the world tells me, what horoscopes, cards, dice, bone tossing, tv, music, fashion or other people try to say or turn me from or toward. It’s my life, I choose not to give it to fantastical lies, strange beliefs or false traditions.

The Holy Spirit lives in me, my personal life and world are changing for the better.  I will care about my body, and whom I represent. I am Gods kid. It’s His group I long to belong to, not worldly groups or gangs. Not what everyone else is doing, saying, wearing or believing, but what my Heavenly Father wants me to do and how He wants me to live.

There’s something comforting knowing that it’s in myself to be able to please Him. To have Him look at me with love, knowing He’s the one that’s always truly loved me unconditionally. When I come before my Abba Father I want to hear “well done, my good and faithful servant.” I want my Daddy to be proud of me.

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 It’s been a long time since my last post. I have had a lot of changes going on. Good changes, God inspired changes. Sometimes difficult changes. Mostly it’s about giving up self control and realizing I am only fooling myself when I think I can manage on my own without trusting God to take care of all my needs. And that includes friendships.

 Besides holiday cards, I also like to send out a note  to all of my friends. I want them to know how much I appreciate them and am so thankful for their friendships. I also try to keep up via phone calls. I’m not a big fan of texting, it’s so impersonal.  

I always thought getting personal snail mail was important. To be honest I even like getting junk mail. It tells me, “hey the world recognizes you’re alive and  living at this place”. Sometimes I even get a bonus gift or awesome coupon or notice of an upcoming event. It’s part of being more than a microscopic dot in a big atomic pool of life. There is so much going on in this wonderful life of ours everyone wants to be acknowledged for their existence.

I connected again with some friends that have been very busy in their lives. Busy with family and school and work.  And I reconnected with others that have been out of touch with me for awhile. It’s so good and healthy to reach out to one another.

Some have created new things in their lives. God related things. An example of this is my friend Lori. Lori and I have known each other through church and bible study groups and related events. She and I both have a heart for the Lord and for the homeless. I’m presently helping a group in my church here in NY.

Lori tells me she has started a church in Clearwater, Florida. She  also has a homeless ministry  and a dance ministry that she’s deeply involved in. She’s on Facebook if you want to check out her ministries.

The Dance Ministry is called “Hearts on Fire Ministry”, they’re awesome in their Praise and Worship of the Lord Jesus. I took this from her “about” page:

Freedom in Praise and Worship to Glorify God with The Creative Arts
Mission

Extravagant Praise and Worship Expressed in The Creative Arts

Description

Hearts On Fire Ministry is under the covering of Calvary Chapel Worship Center, in New Port Richey, Florida. We are a missions outreach ministry to promote the Gospel of Jesus Christ through the Creative Arts: Expressive Sign Language, Dance, Mime, Music, Drama, ETC…

This is a recent post of Revelation Song it’s really very nicely done. Please view it and share it with others. Good things need to be shared and promoted.
Lori is very dedicated to the Lord and  her ministries and I am so glad and proud to have her as a friend. May blessings follow you and the good work you do. Links can be found within this post or to the right.
Hearts on Fire Dance Ministry comes under the covering of Calvary Chapel Worship Center in New Port Richey Florida. What an awesome place of worship it is.
Stop by there on Thursday nights or Sundays for a fulfilling Holy Spirit worship experience.
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