Tag Archive: love


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I have been wondering for such a long time now about love. Will I love again? Can I love again? May I love again, that’s the important one to know. Having been through so many different types of relationships in my life I wonder if I have this void, this lack of something I can’t quite put my hands on. Something that isn’t really describable it’s almost imperceptible.

I feel like I lost the “knack” of love. Sure I love flowers, my favorite candy or soft drink, the weather and my family and friends. Somehow though the “feeling” of love is not quite there. Is it because I am so much older now and I have withered away inside and outside? Omigosh I hope not. I watch other couples young and old and just gaze and sigh, how nice they’re still holding hands or geeze those couples should be nicer to each other.

Have I become more of a skeptic after three failed marriages and a few failed relationships. Will I ever have that “in love” feeling again? My children have a vague way of showing love. I guess just having me around them is their way of demonstrating love. Forget about my grandchildren, as teenagers I guess they have no concept of real love yet. I do have loving friends though and my sisters show love the best way they can. Love is a delicate subject. Some people show love, some know love and a few experience real deep down everlasting love. That’s the kind of love I always wanted to feel. Deep down love.

Lately I’ve started thinking about how would it be if I were in a relationship again with a man. Especially after knowing what I know now. I have been told by a Bible teacher friend that God is getting someone ready for me just like He’s getting me ready for someone else. It’s been a long wait. I know that the Apostle Paul says that God favors single women because they pray and worship God more often. A married woman first devotes herself to her spouse and children. God gets more attention from single people. I suppose that’s very true because I do pray and talk with God a lot more.

I used to think that I ran all out of love because I had messed up relationships. It wasn’t all the man’s fault either. I had no self respect or self worth so I entered dysfunctional relationships with a dysfunctional life history. Of course more often than not the man was the same way. Even if he wasn’t we didn’t stand a chance.

I didn’t know real love until I knew Jesus. I couldn’t even receive worldly love until I knew Jesus. I was like a door partially opened. I knew of God but whenever He got closer to me the door I felt that the door closed more and more and I was the one who was inadvertently closing it. By living an unhealthy and unclean lifestyle.

It wasn’t until HE opened the door for ME that I began to feel real love. Every day I am witness to more and more of God’s love for me. Real love of my Father, Abba Father. If worldly love enters my life again I think I might be ready for it now but I’m not giving up my Abba Father love. He has shown me what it means to be loved, to have someone sacrifice themselves for me, to have someone step up and guide me and teach me who I really am.

I am someone who is loved by God Almighty Himself.

For that I am so very thankful and Blessed.

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Lately Lord I have noticed more aggression around me. Driving on a well known main road near my home, on my way to work, the store, church, laundromat or going to my sons house there are just so many people pushing past me. I’m already doing a little over the speed limit as it is. Drivers that should yield when they are in a yield lane zoom past just to get in front of you. It doesn’t matter that some of them are passing down the middle medium where no passing is permitted. I have seen them pass in the middle, on the shoulders, good weather, rainstorms and blizzards. No regard for others, no regard for life, theirs or anyone else’s. Look at the slideshow. Do they look happy, joyful or contented? They look like they want someone to pay, one way or another they wll vent their anger and pain.

Customers in stores demand a discount or want to return a well worn or broken item, whether or not they have the coupon or requirements met or not. They harass and raise their voices to get their way. Or, they yell out, “get me the manager”. So  the manager will come and give them what they want because of wanting to give good customer service. Instead of making people accountable for their actions and behaviors we cave in. We are bullied in stores, in doctors offices, by insurance companies, government agencies,  just about everywhere.  

What is happening to us? What are we becoming?  There is anger everywhere, in music, movies, schools, homes, everywhere. We need to take a stand. I personally don’t want  to become like my enemy, you know who I mean, satan, the evil and nasty one. I want to be like Jesus. Goodness, peace, serenity, light.

Ever since they took prayer out of school, restricted parents from discipling their own children, restricted teachers and police offers from correcting our children and being so called politically correct, I have noticed a decline, a decay, a rot setting in. Bullies do what they do because no one stands up to them out of fear of reprisal/repercussion. Living in fear is not of God. It is of the darkness, the evil one, the liar. Bring light to the darkness, do what’s right. Bullies are in pain, have low self esteem , low self worth. They look to be idolized and worshipped. Look at me, I’m bigger, faster, better, stronger, meaner, tougher, louder, smarter, richer, more clever than you are. They’re also lonely, heart broken, love starved, sad and frightened.

Before we were saved by Jesus we were the same. Broken-hearted, helpless, crying out in our own ways.  So my suggestion is to offer these kind words to make a difference. ” I’m sorry if you thought I offended you. Please go ahead of me. Let me get the door for you. May I pray for you? Jesus loves us just the way we are”.

 If we offer kindness as if Jesus was actually standing there with us, then it makes it easier. Remember the Holy Spirit is with us once we’ve accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. When we set the example, speak softly, kindly, without malice or hostility, use encouraging words and forgiveness (turning the other cheek) we ourselves grow more in Christ. So when someone refuses to yield, I do. When someone wants to raise their voice at me and argue and harass, I lower my voice and try to be nicer. When governmental clerks try to make me accept unacceptable doctrine, I gently remind them that I  am a grown up citizen and I don’t work for them.

Take a stand, Stand up for Jesus, for yourself, your country, your life and for your future generations.  Remember we are children of God, we have royal blood in our veins. We have Abba Father. Let them know they can have Him too.

Blessings, Mary 

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