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I have been wondering for such a long time now about love. Will I love again? Can I love again? May I love again, that’s the important one to know. Having been through so many different types of relationships in my life I wonder if I have this void, this lack of something I can’t quite put my hands on. Something that isn’t really describable it’s almost imperceptible.

I feel like I lost the “knack” of love. Sure I love flowers, my favorite candy or soft drink, the weather and my family and friends. Somehow though the “feeling” of love is not quite there. Is it because I am so much older now and I have withered away inside and outside? Omigosh I hope not. I watch other couples young and old and just gaze and sigh, how nice they’re still holding hands or geeze those couples should be nicer to each other.

Have I become more of a skeptic after three failed marriages and a few failed relationships. Will I ever have that “in love” feeling again? My children have a vague way of showing love. I guess just having me around them is their way of demonstrating love. Forget about my grandchildren, as teenagers I guess they have no concept of real love yet. I do have loving friends though and my sisters show love the best way they can. Love is a delicate subject. Some people show love, some know love and a few experience real deep down everlasting love. That’s the kind of love I always wanted to feel. Deep down love.

Lately I’ve started thinking about how would it be if I were in a relationship again with a man. Especially after knowing what I know now. I have been told by a Bible teacher friend that God is getting someone ready for me just like He’s getting me ready for someone else. It’s been a long wait. I know that the Apostle Paul says that God favors single women because they pray and worship God more often. A married woman first devotes herself to her spouse and children. God gets more attention from single people. I suppose that’s very true because I do pray and talk with God a lot more.

I used to think that I ran all out of love because I had messed up relationships. It wasn’t all the man’s fault either. I had no self respect or self worth so I entered dysfunctional relationships with a dysfunctional life history. Of course more often than not the man was the same way. Even if he wasn’t we didn’t stand a chance.

I didn’t know real love until I knew Jesus. I couldn’t even receive worldly love until I knew Jesus. I was like a door partially opened. I knew of God but whenever He got closer to me the door I felt that the door closed more and more and I was the one who was inadvertently closing it. By living an unhealthy and unclean lifestyle.

It wasn’t until HE opened the door for ME that I began to feel real love. Every day I am witness to more and more of God’s love for me. Real love of my Father, Abba Father. If worldly love enters my life again I think I might be ready for it now but I’m not giving up my Abba Father love. He has shown me what it means to be loved, to have someone sacrifice themselves for me, to have someone step up and guide me and teach me who I really am.

I am someone who is loved by God Almighty Himself.

For that I am so very thankful and Blessed.

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